Inspired by the success of their Miley Cyrus line of clothing, Walmart is launching a new ‘Walk of Shame’ line. A spokesperson for Walmart states that “….the line is basically an extension of the Miley Cyrus line, as her fans have reached a nicely promiscuous age. Studies have shown that 80% of the clothing purchases…
Oak Ridge leads the way by eliminating all postal deliveries
Based on a projected $8.3 billion loss this year, the postal service is scrambling to make up the lost funds. The Postmaster General has suggested cutting Saturday deliveries, bringing the delivery week to 5 days. The Oak Ridge Postal service has come up with a much more dramatic plan to cut costs. Starting September 1,…
Claxton resident claims ‘Squatter’s Rights’ to take Bull Run Fossil Plant from TVA
In an unexpected twist, a Claxton resident has claimed ‘Squatter’s Rights’ to take the Bull Run Fossil Plant from TVA. “When TVA made news recently with an attempt to buy 175 acres of land in Claxton, it got me to thinking,” explains Ima Jeane. “I’ve been living here in the coal for the past 12…
Union Avenue Books credited with shutdown of Borders
Since opening its doors on June 1, Union Avenue Books has made quite a ripple throughout the economic landscape of booksellers. “The general public is tired of a large selection, and ordering online is a thing of the past. Stores like Union Avenue Books in Downtown Knoxville have done us in,” says a spokesperson for the…
Demand for Cloud Services spike during heat wave
As a heatwave grips much of the US, requests for Cloud Services have spiked. According to Jan Johnson, one of Knoxville’s go-to tech gurus, “This is partially due to misinformation about what Cloud Services truly are, it’s one of those terms that is confusing to those with less technical savvy. However, if we can get…
Knoxville man shows up in DC to find, paint debt ceiling
Knoxville home interior painter Buddy McFee arrived in Washington, DC on Friday, fully intending to find and paint the debt ceiling. He traveled by Megabus carrying only a few paint rollers and a couple cans of white paint. “I kep’ hearin’ about this debt ceiling thang,” he explained. “So since nobody can make up their…
Knoxville Lemonade Crimes Division arrests 12 in overnight sting
Twelve individuals were arrested for lemonade crimes by the Knoxville Lemonade Crimes Division during a sting operation conducted Friday night in North Knoxville. Knoxville Police conducted the sting on Virginia Avenue, Beaumont Avenue and Central Street between 8:30p.m. Friday and 2:00 a.m. Saturday. According to Knoxville Police Department spokesman Darrell DeBusk, “This puts us on…
Amidst scandal, Rupert Murdoch drops bid for Knoxpatch.com
News Corp’s Chairman and CEO, Rupert Murdoch, announced today by telegraph that he is dropping his bid to buy Knoxpatch.com. The letter outlined that although the Knoxpatch bid is being pulled, he is still moving forward on attempted buyouts of City View and Metro Pulse, as they are more in line with News Corp’s journalistic…
Knoxville fashion week features skeletons as models
Kenneth Cole’s Knoxville runway debut featured male skeleton’s wearing the famous label’s Fall Line. With ‘manorexia’ on the rise, we just couldn’t find any male models that were thin enough and still had the strength to walk the runway. Women tend to be stronger even when malnourished, allowing them to work longer. With no male…
TN Rep. Julia Hurley balances budget, stuns onlookers
Just moments after learning of the difficulties in Washington, TN Rep. Julia Hurley solved the problem of balancing the budget. “That wasn’t so hard!” exclaimed Rep. Hurley, “What the hell has all the fuss been about?” Although she couldn’t do it a second time, an intern was able to duplicate the process for a photo.Â
Knoxville Habitat for Humanity discovers theft of homes
On the heels of announcing that more than $11,000 was embezzled by Linda Dianne Smith, Knoxville Habitat for Humanity made another disturbing discovery. Smith also, it appears, stole as many as 9 homes, which have been constructed in her backyard. Kelle Shultz, Knoxville Habitat president claims she has no idea how Smith had the homes…
‘Pong’ headed to the big screen in IMAX and 3D, starring Johnny Knoxville and Megan Fox
Several classic video games are getting movie treatments. As reported at Knoxville.com, ‘Space Invaders’ is one such film. Reports announced late today say that ‘Pong’ is being rushed into production, hoping to beat ‘Space Invaders’ to the screen. The film is to very closely follow the storyline of the game, but will be in 3D…
Miss SC lost 110 pounds before winning pageant, reveals secret
While on tour in Knoxville, Tennessee as part of her official duties, the 22-year old Bree Boyce let the world in on a huge secret. She lost 110 pounds before becoming Miss South Carolina. “I want to let people know, you know, to inspire them,” says Boyce, “People think that you have to workout or…
Haslam seeks waiver to ‘No Child Left Behind,’ promotes manual labor
Governor Haslam explains why he is seeking a waiver to the ‘No Child Left Behind’ program. “It’s not that our state CANNOT educate students as well as other states. It’s that we don’t want to. Our growth plan for the state works best if we don’t. Our best plan for growth is to capture the…
Michael Vick brings cock fighting to Knoxville, gets Nike endorsement back
NIKE has officially re-signed Eagles quarterback, Michael Vick to endorsement deals. Â “We feel that our actions dropping Vick four years ago, might have been rash,” say NIKE officials, “While we don’t condone his behavior, we feel that he has made positive changes to better himself off the field.” About his 21 month stint in prison,…