I’ve been away from the computer for several days (I apologize for the lack of Knoxpatch musings as of late). As I begin this article it’s been eight days since a simple project began…the installation of Armstrong Swiftlock flooring in my den. This wonderful invention has a 25-year warranty and is supposed to install in…

An embarrassing mix-up forced the closure of Pappy’s Market on Clinton Highway for almost two full business days, amounting to a loss of income of nearly $75 for the store’s owner. It appears that other locally grown tomatoes were somehow mixed with the much sought after Grainger County tomatoes. Several hours passed between the mix-up…

Tom and Natalie Parker have three kids, two dogs, and a cat named Scruffy. Their house, on Ferd Hickey Road, features two baths, three bedrooms, and a sizable den. They have been married off and on almost 10 years. “When we got married the first time, we had no idea we’d hate each other within…

A new study shows the further decline of Knoxville’s public education system. 9 of 10 students, ages 7-14, could not properly identify the location of the historic Mabry-Hazen House on a map of Tennessee. Although the blame could easily be assigned to inadequate funding for the schools, poor teaching, or inability of the students to…

Knoxville’s Office of Special Events has secured a professional level winter sports competition for 2003-2008. “Knoxville has long been overlooked for winter sports, ” says Dan Myer, Deputy Director “but the convention center has opened up so many new possibilities. Now, new reasons to visit Knoxville pop up daily. If this event goes well we…

In an effort to make sure deceased city employees are still earning a decent paycheck, the city of Knoxville will be implementing a Dying Wage. Similar to a Living Wage, which guarantees that janitors and sewer rat trappers make enough money to put Nikes on their children, the Dying Wage will make sure dead janitors…

Knoxville native Bjorn Knoxley was running some pipes under his house last week when he unwittingly stumbled across what appeared to be the remains of a common housecat. He only suffered minor head injuries and strain to his vocal chords at the moment his flashlight illuminated the cat several feet from his face in the…

Eager local preservation groups, who claim they are not responsible for the city’s pressure on residents to move out so the building could be preserved, are helping to collect plans from developers to come in and rennovate the property. The plans approved by the preservation groups will be submitted to KCDC for final city approval….

By signing up for the free Knoxpatch.com newsletter (delivered every two/three weeks) you can enter to win a pair of tickets to each of the three remaining shows in the Clarence Brown Theatre’s 2002-2003 season. By joining our listserv you will receive special updates and stories that are not available at Knoxpatch.com. What’s in it…

David Keith is teaching a film class through the UT Department of Theatre and is directing a film with that class. They would like to invite you to be an extra in this film. The film is about overzealous developer wants to tear down historic property in a small Tennessee downtown area to build a…

The Beer-Drinkers’ Invitational Good-Ol’-Boys Ammurkin (sic) Surf Sensation (BIGASS) has announced plans to hold its lakefront tournament for the summer of 2003 at the Melton Hill Dam area in Anderson County. President Artemis Q. “Harley” Wainwright IV was quoted as saying that, “The good people and their enthusiasm for similar events – such as WWF…

Knoxpatch.com has requested favorite holiday recipes from local businesses to show the warm and human side of corporate America, a side we don’t often see. Berry Funeral Home has provided a new and interesting variation on an old classic, ‘Seasonal Soylent Green.’ Soylent Green keeps for years in the freezer, is high in protein, and…

The “number of days since last accident” counter just got reset to zero at the Newberry Sodium and Potassium factory last night. Rescue workers responded to reports of an explosion in the Forks of the River industrial park, at about 1:30 this morning. The explosion was traced to a toilet in the men’s restroom by…

Scientists at Oak Ridge National Laboratories have confirmed what many have long believed. Not everyone loves Raymond. A series of double-blind studies, conducted over a period of three years, has uncovered certain genetic factors making it possible for certain males not to love Raymond. Factors leading to possibly not loving Raymond are as follows: 1….

Apparently lost for more than 2000 years, a fourth Wise Man has been found wandering aimlessly in Lenoir City. Called ‘Budgie’ by locals, the Wise Man has been living in Lenoir City for the past 9 years – collecting cans and living off donations collected near a major intersection. A small stone pencil box with…