Astrophysicists working at the University of Tennessee’s Space Institute in Tullahoma, TN, have discovered a small solar system orbiting the Sunsphere in downtown Knoxville. This photo, taken at night, shows four planets orbiting the Sunsphere. At first, the phenomenon was dismissed as being swamp gas or fireflies, but persistant janitor Herbie Bunker kept reporting the…

Knoxpatch.com’s team of scambusters are continuously seeking out consumers who have been taken in by some off-the-wall scam. Today’s story features Knoxville native Tony Ortavio. Tony is an out-of-luck, unemployed dock worker who has been feeling lonely lately. “If it wasn’t for disappointment, I wouldn’t have any appointment,” he explained. Late last year, Tony decided…

As fast food restaurants struggle to maintain market share, traditional sit-down restaurants are also gearing up for a major battle to hold customers. Cracker Barrel has long been as well known for a line of country stores as they have been for various fried cholesterol dishes. New and interesting offerings within the country stores is…

This model shows how the heliportmight look. Upon the creation of a downtown heliport, more federal dollars will be released to the city of Knoxville. This is exactly what the mayor’s office has discovered and exactly what they intend to do. The $400 million facility will be 20% subsidized under new legislation passed by congress…

Barney Lipowicz takes it all in stride as hefaces the reality of the ‘bowlers’ convention. Barney Lipowicz is in Knoxville on vacation as part of the bowlers convention. Although he’s maintaining a sense of humor, it’s easy to notice the disappointment in his voice. “Frankly, I feel like the entire event was misrepresented. Don’t get…

Can Beach in Arkansas is a popular man-made beach similar to the one slated for Knoxville. As summer months near, families start to plan vacations. In a bid to keep more summer spending within Knoxville, the 70-acre lot currently being used as the Regional Farmers’ Market near Knoxville Center Mall is slated for conversion to…

For years, Knoxville?s homeless individuals have been receiving assistance from those that are more affluent. Coordinated by Jake ?Spunky? Trevor, an upcoming street fair has been designed so that homeless citizens can give something back to those well-meaning patriarchs. Spunky explains it simply. ?You can only accept handouts for so long without feeling like you…

In light of recent criticism; Wal-Mart has decided to adopt a policy of “Tough-Love”. In addition to making employees pay for their own insurance, and firing anyone who even mentions the word “union”, Knoxville area Wal-Mart stores will be moving all handicap parking places to the far end of the parking lot. A Wal-Mart representative…

There is a new organization in Knoxville that is dedicated to shining light on stupidity in the Knoxville area. The organization was started by M.R. Ducks, a retired Marine Corps Colonel. After retiring from the Marine Corps in June of 2001 Mr. Ducks retuned to his home town of Knoxville Tennessee. ?I was just amazed…

Bubba Quixote in rarearchival photo. Bubba Quixote, believed to be a direct descendent of the famed Don Quixote, has attacked the TVA Green Power windmills. The status of the windmills, located on Buffalo Mountain near Oak Ridge, Tennessee is not currently known. The Green Power program is designed to produce electricity from cleaner, greener sources….

Eddie Johnston’s wedding photo. Last weekend, Eddie Johnston was set to wed his fiancée of 14 years, Mary-Lee Rollins. An hour after the wedding was to commence, Eddie turned on his cell phone to check for messages. Mary-Lee had called and left a message that she changed her mind, and that she had left Knoxville…

KPD’s Blue Cat(artist’s rendition) A new program designed to cut costs and save lives, both human and feline, the Knoxville Police Department (KPD) has pioneered a pilot program in conjunction with the Knoxville Animal Rescue League called Blue Cat. The idea was conceived by Police Officer Sgt. Buddy Smith, a 13 year veteran to KPD…

Jo-Jo bites her neighbors. A north-Knoxville poodle, known simply as “Jo-Jo,” went on a biting rampage last week. Details are sketchy, but witnesses say at least five people had minor toothmark imprints on fingers, ankles, and elbows after the incident at a neighborhood birthday party. “It was scary,” explained one eyewitness at the scene. “People…

Construction is under way on Market Square, transforming the space from a 70’s-era eyesore to a modern, hip urban town center. As part of this process, the sidewalks are being torn up to be replaced with what turns out to be airport-style moving sidewalks. The sidewalks will be designed to get the large number of…

The Haarket twins, joined by a pipe. Hans and Slami Haarket, born in Knoxville of Norwegian parents one sweltering August day in 1973, have been joined since birth by a metal tube connecting their hands. Doctors were mystified by the phenomenon and do not know how it happens. “Metal tubes do not usually occur naturally…