Note: Please contact us and let me know of any places I should try to eat at downtown. The Market Square area is where I tend to be most of the time. I got the news late last week. On Monday, I was to report for duty to work on a large project for a…

Much to the dismay of room mothers, Knox County Schools has adopted a ban on classroom cupcakes. The ban, set to take effect before fall birthdays and Christmas, will apply to treats brought in for any event that could be considered religious or exclusive in nature. Knox County Schools spokesperson Arnold J. Glimmer said that…

The Condombulance will begin making deliveries to needy couples here in the Greater Knoxville area later next month. Set up as a public service, and a great way to make some extra cash, the Condombulance will help couples stay in the mood. No longer will one of them have to hop in the car and…

Since AirTran (formerly ValuJet) pulled out of the Knoxville market in 2000, area residents and businesses have been driving to either Nashville or Atlanta in order to afford air travel. Local businesses and politicians have teamed up in an effort to lure a low-cost airline to Knoxville. Although seemingly fruitless at times, the efforts have…

A recent study by the Earl and Bubba Institute found that out of all Knoxvilles in the nation, the one in Tennessee ranks third best overall. Here are the rankings of all nine Knoxvilles: Knoxville, Iowa Knoxville, Georgia Knoxville, Tennessee Knoxville, Arkansas Knoxville, Alabama Knoxville, Maryland Knoxville, Pennsylvania Knoxville, Illinois New Knoxville, Ohio Earl Renfro,…

Do you like to walk for blocks to find anything green? Do you think the sky should only be visible when you look straight up? Would you rather an empowered city worker clean your sidewalk rather than you mow your own yard? Then downtown Knoxville is just the place for you. With plenty of concrete,…

After realizing what a pain in the ass it is becoming to do any road projects in modern society, and also that hindsight is 20/20, TDOT announced plans to widen I-40 through downtown enough to allow for any future expansion. A spokesmodel said TDOT is taking this measure so they will not have to deal…

The new series “Autumn in the City” began yesterday in downtown Knoxville on Market Square. The event set a record of highest attendance at any Market Square event by port-a-potties. “This is amazing,” said event attendee Josh Hoobar, “I’ve never seen so many port-a-johns at one place!” The event was attended by no less than…

Knoxville geologists are in a frazzle because earthquakes have been increasing in frequency around a recently discovered volcano. The earthquakes, which occur most often on Saturday afternoons, range anywhere in magnitude from 0.01 to 0.63. The volcano is located along the river across from the University of Tennessee Agriculture campus, and at least for now,…

A crack team of Knoxpatch.com investigative reporters have uncovered what appears to be the largest betting pool in Knox County, larger even than March Madness. It seems that county road crews engage in an underground gambling racket based on potholes. Juan Johnson, a pseudonoymous former road crew worker who acted as our primary informant, actually…

Stinging from the loss of the first Presidential debate of the election, George W. Bush has changed strategies after receiving a bit of important information. Statistics show that Halloween mask sales have accurately determined every election since Ronald Reagan defeated Jimmy Carter in 1980. Therefore, logic dictates, that a win in November is guaranteed if…

West Knoxvillian, Amy Styles, has been charged for defacing her own property and malicious mischief for stealing Kerry campaign signs…from her own front yard. Upon receiving her fifth complaint about Republicans stealing her signs the Knoxville Police Department performed an overnight stakeout to teach someone a lesson. What they saw was that Ms. Styles conscience…

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“With the tax cuts I’ve given to Americans, they don’t need to beg for candy.” states President Bush. “Each family now saves at least enough in a year to buy a bag of almost any candy they want. And how does it make us look to other countries, to dress up like Bill Clinton and…

After nearly monopolizing the modular housing market, Clayton Homes has entered into the corrugated cardboard manufacturing business. Business analysts see this as a natural progression to current offerings and have applauded the move by upgrading the stock. With proper financial planning, Clayton representatives claim that anyone currently sleeping under old newspapers should be able to…