The Knoxville News Sentinel reporter who was on assignment in the Dante community of North Knoxville was finally released by her captors late last night. She was captured after a dispute with native Dante residents over the proper pronunciation of “Dante.” Gillian Karl was an English, Philosophy, and Journalism major and argued that the name…
Local marketing firm wins WHO account for bird flu
The World Health Organization has selected Knoxville-based Asen Marketing and Advertising to promote the positive attributes of the quickly spreading bird flu. According to representatives of Asen, “If the bird flue evolves to easily spread among humans, the general public is likely to focus on the bad aspects of the disease, while completely overlooking the…
In honor of Charles Hagy
UPDATE: Dad’s relay team completed the marathon in under five hours, and he did a great job speed-walking his six miles. He even found the energy to run across the finish line and pose for some photos. A special thanks to my friend Heather at UT Medical Center for being part of the team. Dad,…
Halls funeral home gives families one month to retrieve loved ones
The financially troubled Halls Memory Gardens has been granted a permit to open an apple orchard on its grounds. Wade and Beverly Reynolds, owners of the now-closed cemetery, say that the financial difficulties are so severe that a completely new business plan is necessary. According to Beverly, “We’ve been planting people for as many years…
Krispy Kreme tests dinner menu
As Stabucks gears up to offer breakfast items, Krispy Kreme is developing a dinner menu in hopes to entice more evening customers. The menu, not for the health conscious, is tailored to win over customers that would request a ‘biggie’ or ‘value’ sized fast-food dinner. The bare-bones menu, being test-marketed here in Knoxville for only…
Disturbing trend at Denny’s restaurants intensifies
After three fatal shootings in as many days, matters have worsened at some Denny’s restaurants. Initial reports indicate that aside from the shootings, some people are actually being forced to go inside the restaurant and eat. Details are a bit too graphic for print, but it has been verified that at least one unnamed victim…
Suicide ruled out for Knoxville drowning victim
Officials say that they have ruled out suicide for the lady whose body was found in the water at Volunteer Landing Marina earlier this week. The KPD has released information that the body, wrapped in plastic and duct tape and weighted with a cinderblock, did NOT have a suicide note with it…leaving homicide as the…
Upside down pentagram license plate proposed by Donna Rowland
Donna Rowland, a Republican lawmaker from Murfreesboro, recently proposed putting the Christian fish symbol on Tennessee license plates. Soon after, it was brought to her attention that it is not considered proper for the state to sanction religion. Rather than back down on her request for a Christian symbol, she has proposed that the upside…
Violent video games cause more than brats
A new report indicates that violent video games have caused more than you might have expected. In addition to bratty and obnoxious children and teens, violence in video games has led to: The war in Iraq. Iran’s nuclear aspirations. Hillary Clinton’s facial expressions. George Clooney. Apparently the Bush administration, Iran’s mullahs, and Saddam met regularly…
Human people who walk on hands discovered in Karns
Researchers working in Karns stumbled across a rare group of humans that walk on their hands. The researchers were studying fruit bat migratory patterns in and around the Karns area and discovered the hand-walkers accidentally late one night. They were tossing socks loaded with rocks up in the air around street lights trying to catch…
City Council meeting turns ugly
Last night’s Oak Ridge City Council meeting is one to remember. Nothing on the agenda was out of the ordinary, but during heated discussion about how best to execute a preemptive strike against Claxton, Bud Sherbet stood to his feet. After hesitating for a few seconds, he began jumping up and down, yelling “I want…
Pellissippi State to offer classes on attending classes at UT
Increasing competition from entities such as South College has forced Pellissippi State to reformat many of its class offerings in order to remain competitive. After interviewing nearly 100% of the 2005 class, it has been found that the most needed skills are those that allow one to properly handle paperwork and find a place to…
Krispy Kreme to offer dinner menu
As Stabucks gears up to offer breakfast items, Krispy Kreme is developing a dinner menu in hopes to entice more evening customers. The menu, not for the health conscious, is tailored to win over customers that would request a ‘biggie’ or ‘value’ sized fast-food dinner. The bare-bones menu, being test-marketed here in Knoxville for only…
More problems for beleaguered KFD Chief Carlos Perez
Questionable decisions and practices surrounding Knoxville Fire Department Chief Carlos Perez continue to raise eyebrows. Chief Perez has recently been in the press for overtime spending, various expense-related issues such as a $100,000 shower facility, and for not necessarily providing equal treatment to transgendered fire persons. If one is to believe the rumor mill, however,…
WATE Pothole Patrol starts investigative news battle among Knoxville stations
With a fierce battle for viewers, WATE has scored a solid win in the competition for the news audience by introducing the WATE Pothole Patrol. This new and edgy programming decision puts reporters on the front line of danger, often having to drive directly over potholes in order to secure a position to report on…