Knox County Clerk candidate Amy Henley-Vandergriff will hold a press conference today to address rumors that she is why Knoxville has become known as ‘The Couch.’ According to her campaign team, “The press conference is to be held on the steps of the courthouse, because Amy is spending a lot of time there nowadays.”
Abu Dhabi acquires Sunsphere
City officials announced today that the Abu Dhabi investment council has set plans in motion to acquire Knoxville’s landmark, the Sunsphere. The deal will bring an estimated $18,000 dollars to Knoxville coffers, more than double the estimated value of the building. The Sunsphere, which has defined the Knoxville skyline (for those driving in from just…
Grainger County tomatoes go bad
The Food and Drug Administration has issued a warning this evening that the health risk due to certain tomatoes has been extended to Grainger County, Tennessee. Although no Grainger County tomatoes have caused salmonella, they have attacked at least six people. No decision has been made as of yet to how this will impact the…
Food City to offer World’s Fair Beer and United American Bank services in-store
Food City has carved a new niche by restoring brands of yesteryear, brands that we all once loved and somehow let fall by the wayside. Recent offerings include Kern’s Bread, Kay’s Ice Cream and Lay’s Meats. Continuing this trend, they announced this morning that World’s Fair Beer will soon be back on the shelves. The…
$11.1 million in budget cuts at UT
Facing a 5.7 percent ($11.1 million) budget cut, a University of Tennessee spokesperson recently stepped forward to address what has worried us all the most. According to UT, “The millions spent on paying athletic coaches is not in jeopardy, we are cutting less needed items such as the Department of Audiology and Speech Pathology and…
Obama calls on Hillary to join at White House
She was holding out for a VP position, but sometimes things just don’t work as planned. Insiders say that Hillary has been approached by Obama’s campaign to consider working as a maid and handling light yard duties at the White House. Clinton has gone on record as saying she would at least consider it, if…
Knox County libraries in jeopardy, West Knoxville News to fill the gap
With some of Knox County’s 19 library branches in jeopardy due to the County budget, many feared that they would soon lose access to the free use of romance novels and online pornography. This fear, however, was put to rest today when Mayor Ragsdale announced a plan to fill any potential holes in service at…
Newman’s Own announces new line of Soylent Green products
The Newman’s Own line of products is branching out during the current economic crisis to provide quality nutritional items for people of all income levels. This is especially good news at a time that many are having to cut back on cigarettes and gasoline in order to keep cupboards stocked with Cheetos. The new line…
Sharon Stone weighs in on burning of 206 year-old home on Old Lowes Ferry Road
An abandoned multi-story home on Old Lowes Ferry Road burned over the weekend. After extinguishing the fire, the Blount County Fire Department was planning on working long hours this weekend to determine the cause of the blaze. However, before inspections could begin, Sharon Stone issued a statement that the original builders in 1802 didn’t behave…
Unidentified man buys advance tickets for Sex and the City
An unidentified male has purchased tickets to see Sex and the City, according to employees at the Regal Cinemas on Gay Street, in Downtown Knoxville. Although his intentions for using the tickets were unclear, the purchase definitely took place. Amanda, the ticket-booth girl, says he walked up sometime around 2 p.m. wearing a trench coat…
Karelian delegates stuck in SmartFIX40 detours, unable to return home
A delegation the Republic of Karelia visited Tennessee today to learn about SmartFIX40, which is now famous across the globe. Translators worked with the Karelians to help explain the symbolic relationship between Malfunction Junction and SmartFIX40. Then, City officials drove the Karelian delegation to the heart of the SmartFIX40 project and left them to find…
Letter to (and from) the editor
Dear Knoxville, I keep getting spam emails from the ADAM SMALL STRATEGIC BUSINESS NETWORK, promoting the Knoxville Business Xchange. Today, I got 13 copies. Every time they fire up the spam canons to fill my inbox with crap, I follow the procedures to stop receiving their junk…yet it just continues to pour in. If you…
Mystery of rocket encountered by pilot solved
A Continental airlines pilot who was startled by what he described as a “rocket” yesterday gets to rest easy. Speculation flew as to what happened. Some reports say it was a missile launched by terrorists. A more “down to earth” theory involved model rocketry, as some model rockets are known to reach that height. This…
Hillary Clinton vows to campaign through 2010
Just last week, Hillary Clinton sited the assassination of Robert F. Kennedy as a reason to stay in the race. Over the weekend, during a lull in campaigning activities, Hillary had an opportunity to see “I Am Legend” with Will Smith and realized that the death of her opponent isn’t the only thing she can…
Personal water craft nor Dragon kill Oak Ridge resident
An Oak Ridge resident managed to ride a personal water craft and drive his motorcycle across the Dragon (TWICE) over the Memorial Day weekend without accident. Others involved in the recreational activities have been inspected and are in good condition as well, with no signs of needing to be rushed to the hospital?