Category: News

Once upon a time, a dance craze struck Knoxville. That craze was the Funky Chicken. Abandoned for more trendy dances, such as the Lambada, the Macarena, and swing, the Funky Chicken worked itself slowly around the world, settling into such rural communities as Savannakhet, Laos, and across the Mekong river in Mukdahan, Thailand. As there…

KNOXVILLE – Freshwater shrimp have been garnering quite a bit of press recently as a possible new crop for Tennessee to help offset reduced demand for tobacco. The major drawback to farming freshwater shrimp is that not everyone has the water and facilities to get into the business. Farmers without suitable ponds have been searching…

KNOXVILLE, TN. (Knoxpatch) – In what appears to be a copycat crime based on the Washington-area sniper, Knoxville residents are living in fear of an individual on a rock throwing spree. Ten Knoxville residents and four out-of-state visitors have been hit by various sized rocks while going about their daily routines. Two women sustained the…

Researchers from Knoxville’s Supreme Council of Antiquities, inspired by a recent discovery around Knoxville of an early wheel prototype, decided to study the Sunsphere in downtown Knoxville. The Sunsphere is a monument believed to be built by early settlers of the Tennessee Valley. Some theorize it could have been built as early as 1980, but…

After much fierce debate, a plan for redevelopment of Knoxville’s own Market Square has been approved to proceed. The plan, which will cost taxpayers $432 million, will be completed by June of 2006. It will be executed by the 16th development firm that has attempted to redevelop the square, Jebediah, Eli, & Zechariah, Associates out…

In an attempt to ride the wave of success felt by Johnny Knoxville, Ernie Claxton wanted to start his own TV show. Unlike Knoxville’s show, which features gross-out gags, Claxton wanted to feature antics rednecks might perform after uttering the famous words “Hey, hold my beer!” All 3 major networks and 15 minor ones turned…

Those watching the UT Volunteer football team over the past few years may have noticed subtle changes in the look of the current coach. Although his salary is rather sizeable, and kickbacks are received for various product placements, this simply wasn’t enough. With each passing week he has slowly increased in size in an effort…

A recent battle regarding the preservation of a mailbox in the Historic Fourth and Gill Neighborhood (http://www.historicknoxville.com/tour.htm) has resulted in an unparalleled victory for preservationists. Bryan Hoag recently moved into the Fourth and Gill neighborhood with hopes of enjoying a long life in Downtown Knoxville. Before kicking back and enjoying the long, slow Knoxville sunsets…

In an attempt to squeeze as much success out of CSI as possible, CBS is adding market-specific programs. CSI: Knoxville will premiere near Christmas 2002. Mostly local actors, KPD, and hosts of local news programs will be utilized to add ‘gritty realism’ to the program. Similar to CSI and CSI: Miami, CSI: Knoxville will follow…

Now that the Universe Knoxville concept has been officially shut down, Knoxpatch.com has learned that a new plan is on the fast track to production. A new multi-use facility will be built instead, with a Bahamian atmosphere flowing into the streets of downtown Knoxville. A city block from Cable Beach, on Nassau Island, will be…

For the fourth time this month, the criminal known only to authorities as the “Stoplight Bandit” struck again yesterday afternoon. He managed to alter the stoplight at the intersection of Westland Drive and Gallaher View Road without being noticed. The Bandit has hit three other lights around Knoxville this month alone, including the light on…

Knoxville Vol fan Junior Scruggins was arrested by KPD officers at his home late Sunday. After an image of Scruggins was posted on the internet depicting him “exhibiting lewd behavior” at last Saturday’s game, the KPD launched an exhaustive manhunt that lasted 3 hours. No Scruggins family member was available for comment, but according to…

Ben Sanders has been playing the lottery for about 10 years now, making regular trips to Georgia, Florida, Kentucky, and elsewhere to buy tickets. He usually brings back tickets for friends, neighbors, and co-workers. He spends about $3000 a year going for the jackpot. “I always drove an old beat up pickup truck and lived…

Upon the organization of the Rationalists of East Tennessee, the city of Knoxville considered the intellectual capacity of the local populace to be maximized. According to sources, the city just could not possibly get any more intelligent. This past Friday, a new group has organized in Knoxville that consists of members even smarter than the…

A recent survey regarding print media in Knoxville has revealed that the National Enquirer is now the 2nd most trusted print news medium. The survey was designed to gauge how opinions regarding news have changed since 9/11/2001. Created by a national polling agency, the new study was the most extensive of its type to ever…