Category: News

After much debate, the location of restroom facilities for Market Square has been decided. The location of restrooms in the square was very important, but was somewhat controversial. Local businesses did not want to be inconvenienced by having potential customers visit their facilities to use their restrooms. Also, decision-influencers wanted to keep the ever-critical line-of-site…

(Persian, in the process of being shaved.) Puddles Pet Shop in Oak Ridge has been forced shut by PETA for cruelty to animals, stray cats in particular. Accusations include capturing stray cats, shaving them, and selling them for $150 each. Although this is a fairly low price for a Sphynx (slender, muscular, cats often referred…

Each year one line of toys stands out as the holiday hit. Early indicators point to Bjorn and Brehd dolls as the must-have items for Christmas 2003. Based on the lovable authors of Knopatch.com, the Bjorn and Brehd dolls are designed to entertain children for weeks. Each doll capitalizes on strengths and weaknesses of the…

Bjorn and Brehd are set to take the Victorian Holiday Tour of Homes this year on December 7. Join them for a fun-filled evening of looking at really old houses and riding around in a bus. Bjorn noted that he must be careful on the tour because he will be in the market for another…

Knoxpatch.com’s vast spy network discovered last night that Knoxville mayor Victor Ashe and Bruce Saltsman, commissioner of TDOT and Ashe’s sworn enemy, actually spend time together when not battling each other. The two were spotted together at the premier of Friday After Next at Regal’s West Town Mall theater. “They were telling jokes, laughing, and…

Arthur Denton filed a lawsuit against his opponent, Mervin Smegley, in the recent Powell High School Sophomore class elections. Denton claimed that Smegley received illegal campaign contributions from various special interest groups around the school. The suit claimed that groups such as the PHS Rifle Association had sold Blow Pops and Snickers and then used…

In other news, the International Society of Sea-Monkey Culture is planning to develop a museum in or around Market Square. The group was drawn to Knoxville by the availability of reasonable internet access through Digital Crossing and the convenience of New Age pizza. Sea-Monkeys are the adorable little creatures children have been ordering from comic…

Audrey Paulson claims the storyline for the 1979 film ‘The Jerk’ was stolen from his actual life. A lawsuit is expected to be filed within weeks. Legal action would have been taken earlier, but Audrey first saw the film weeks ago through a bedroom window. He was apparently hiding in some bushes for warmth outside…

Downtowns are commonly the center of a metropolitan area. However, downtown Knoxville is not even close to the center of Knoxville’s population, and is not convenient to anyone. In an effort to correct this problem and re-center the city, Downtown West is about to be redeveloped and reclassified as The Official Downtown of Knoxville. The…

In a new government outreach program, Sheriff Tim Hutchison signed Knox County up to receive surplus high tech equipment from the United States government. The program provides equipment from all branches of the federal government, and any state or local government agency can apply for the program. The Knox County Sheriff’s Department is not the…

In September, the University of Tennessee’s Knoxville campus participated in an exchange student program with Kabul University in Afghanistan. The program, announced last spring, was open to any UT student who wanted to participate. Hopeful candidates submitted their applications, complete with a 500 word essay about why they wanted to go to Kabul, to the…

I managed to attend “Harvey” this weekend. This was my fifth viewing of the story on stage. I doubt that anyone needs an overview of the story…if you were smart enough to use a computer and find this story you are informed enough to know the storyline. In brief, an imaginary (or maybe not) white…

Knoxville resident Eugene Grainger is trying to blow the world’s largest bubble. So far, he has only succeeded in blowing the world’s third largest bubble. The record is held by Ernestine Churchill of Kensington, England, who blew a bubble 15.2 feet in diameter. The number two spot is filled by Johnny Newberry of somewhere in…

Knoxville’s only real newspaper, the Knoxville News Sentinel, has one of the worst websites of any newspaper I have ever visited. The website is difficult to navigate and finding news anywhere on it is almost impossible. On the other hand, visiting a TV STATION website appears to be the best way to find local and…

President Bush has learned that inclement weather causes more deaths annually than the recent terrorist attacks and is prepared to respond. A resolution has been drafted declaring war on Mother Nature if she doesn’t allow free and clear access to all potentially harmful tools including, but not limited to; ultraviolet radiation, hail, potential and realized…