Category: News

Officer Monty Hallof the Cookeville police department has been awarded the Medal of Valor for his efficiency and professionalism in the line of duty. The Cookeville Police, the state highway patrol and Governor Sundquist have all expressed intense gratitude for Officer Hall’s work over the years. Although he is currently best known for single-handedly freeing…

A man claiming to have traveled from the future, 2088 to be exact, was arrested today in a Food Lion parking lot. Eyewitnesses say that he suddenly appeared out of nowhere, just balled up and naked, lying in the parking lot near a speed bump. The man, claiming to be John Connor, was promptly arrested…

Old City Leprechaun? Reports indicate that Glenn Richters, longtime Knoxville resident, has captured the first live leprechaun in the United States. A longtime believer in leprechauns, Glenn has dedicated much of the past twenty years of his life to capturing one of these elusive creatures. Although DNA tests have yet to prove that the odd…

Bernard Philips likes beef fried rice, more than any other Chinese food. “I eat it every chance I get,” Philips explained, “and that is pretty often.” When asked where he liked to eat his beef fried rice the most, he mentioned The Plum Tree and a little Chinese restaurant on Clinton Highway across from the…

This remarkable image showsthe Loch Norris Skier The mystery of the Loch Norris Skier deepened last weekend when Bernard Patrick allegedly caught him on film and released the photo to authorities. Most people who ski the waters of Loch Norris, or Norris Lake, are aware of the legend that a skier haunts the waters, waiting…

Much is known about the Bell Witch, who was said to haunt the family of John Bell in Robertson County, Tennessee. But very little is known about her monkey, which was also rumored to have tormented the Bell family in 1819. A recent expedition to Adams, Tennessee, sought to determine once and for all whether…

Due to the overwhelming success of the recent auction of a small California town on eBay, city council is considering placing Knoxville up for bid on the online auction venue. Citing similar reasons as the previous owner of Bridgeville, CA, rennovation is just too expensive, according to city spokesperson Norm Levy. “Maybe the next owners…

Governor Sundquist, on the heels of rejecting a proclamation of ‘Vegetarian Month’ has apparently bowed to the pressure of outside interest groups. January has been declared ‘Chik-Fil-A: Eat Mor Chikin’ month. According to Sundquist, “This proclamation promotes a positive message. You can easily tell from the billboards that chicken is a healthy alternative to beef….

I’ve been away from the computer for several days (I apologize for the lack of Knoxpatch musings as of late). As I begin this article it’s been eight days since a simple project began…the installation of Armstrong Swiftlock flooring in my den. This wonderful invention has a 25-year warranty and is supposed to install in…

Tom and Natalie Parker have three kids, two dogs, and a cat named Scruffy. Their house, on Ferd Hickey Road, features two baths, three bedrooms, and a sizable den. They have been married off and on almost 10 years. “When we got married the first time, we had no idea we’d hate each other within…

An embarrassing mix-up forced the closure of Pappy’s Market on Clinton Highway for almost two full business days, amounting to a loss of income of nearly $75 for the store’s owner. It appears that other locally grown tomatoes were somehow mixed with the much sought after Grainger County tomatoes. Several hours passed between the mix-up…

A new study shows the further decline of Knoxville’s public education system. 9 of 10 students, ages 7-14, could not properly identify the location of the historic Mabry-Hazen House on a map of Tennessee. Although the blame could easily be assigned to inadequate funding for the schools, poor teaching, or inability of the students to…

Knoxville’s Office of Special Events has secured a professional level winter sports competition for 2003-2008. “Knoxville has long been overlooked for winter sports, ” says Dan Myer, Deputy Director “but the convention center has opened up so many new possibilities. Now, new reasons to visit Knoxville pop up daily. If this event goes well we…

Eager local preservation groups, who claim they are not responsible for the city’s pressure on residents to move out so the building could be preserved, are helping to collect plans from developers to come in and rennovate the property. The plans approved by the preservation groups will be submitted to KCDC for final city approval….

Knoxville native Bjorn Knoxley was running some pipes under his house last week when he unwittingly stumbled across what appeared to be the remains of a common housecat. He only suffered minor head injuries and strain to his vocal chords at the moment his flashlight illuminated the cat several feet from his face in the…