Category: News

The debut of the giant halftime fruitcake at NeylandStadium brought cheers from the crowd. According to event organizers, football fans are getting more and more difficult to please during halftime shows. John Hinkle, show organizer for the University of Tennessee, knows first hand what it’s like. “First we tried the guy in the dog costume…

On the heels of announcing its first profit in four years, Playboy Enterprises Inc. has outlined further changes that will enhance profitability. The major change being that of relocating the infamous Playboy Mansion. Although the California location has served to enhance the party image that coincides with being a Playboy it has been a financial…

In a monumental announcement late yesterday, historic buildings previously destroyed to make room for more useful structures will get a second chance. In the new ordinance, any structures which were in the past destroyed and are now deemed to have historic value must be rebuilt and the new structures removed. Mayor Victor Ashe made the…

The University of Tennessee has struggled financially for several years. As state funding remains constant, and costs increase, maintaining solvency has been a daily struggle. Efficiency experts, hired by Dr. John Shumaker on his last day of employment at the University, have delivered a report that shows what they guarantee to be a path to…

The Smoky Mountain Mensa Chapter has suffered declining membership over the past seven years as more and more residents leave the region for other high-tech industries. In order to combat the declining membership, they have revised the membership requirements to better reflect the ‘above-average’ person of the area. The new requirements indicate that at least…

The free Knoxpatch New Year’s e-Newsletter will be mailed on December 31. If you want to receive stories not available anywhere else, including our amazing predictions for 2004, sign up today!

Howard Dean, after coming under fire for wanting the votes of those with Confederate flags on their pickup trucks, has altered the focus of his campaign. “I just meant we needed the votes of everyone. People with Confederate flags on their pickup trucks are just another part of the population that we need on our…

The ghost of Herb Evers floats around Old Gray Cemetery. Late last night, a ghost was photographed roaming around Knoxville’s Old Gray Cemetery. East Tennessee Paranormal Society member Eric Huckabee shot the photograph using a Sony Mavica digital camera. ETPS historian Joel Bingham told Knoxpatch.com that the ghost is believed to be that of deceased…

Gordon, the AFLAC duck,before being roasted. Due to a glitch, the AFLAC duck was shipped to the Golden Wok restaurant on Ray Mears Boulevard in Knoxville. The duck, known internally as Gordon, was supposed to be shipped to Starlite Bowling Lanes where he was expected to appear in a new AFLAC commercial. Instead, he was…

Valdez, before his snakeextraction procedrue. While on a House Mountain nature walk with his family Saturday afternoon, Juan Valdez stopped to rest. Just as he initialized a yawn of great magnitude, a snake dropped from a tree limb and right into the path of Juan’s yawn. As the snake entered his mouth, he simultaneously coughed…

In order to make inroads with members of PETA, the Knoxville Zoo has announced a new “Wild Vegetable” exhibit that will open in Summer 2003. Zoos across the United States have often come under fire due to the fact that some activists feel that wild animals are not given proper living conditions. Recent accusations in…

A recent power blackout in the Northeast has caused Mayor Ashe to miss several meetings. Although Knoxville wasn’t directly impacted by the blackout, nobody was around to inform Mayor Ashe. Sources say that he was sitting in his office listening to headphones when word of the outage was announced. Afraid of leaving the office under…

While looking for things to complain about, Goss Peterson local misguided activist, claims to have come across potentially radioactive shredded paper discarded in an open lot near the First Tennessee Bank building in Downtown Knoxville. “I didn’t know what I was looking for, but I was certain I could find something in this portion of…

This is just one of the signs nowrequired to be posted in the workplace. A freak accident at TVA has brought about a new wave of OSHA regulations. According to Brandy Raines, a relatively new office employee (name withheld for legal reasons) simply wasn’t working out. “She wasn’t performing in the way that we thought…

Governer Bredesen has appointed Dr. John Shumaker as the new head of Tenncare, just days after announcing that Shumaker has resigned as President of the University of Tennessee. “A simple review of the mission and vision of Tenncare identified Shumaker as a natural fit.” claimed Bredesen. Tenncare promotional materials point out that the organization’s behavior…