Category: News

Theme Park company Six Flags, Inc. announced plans late last week to convert the controversial Elkmont area of the Greak Smoky Mountains into a new Six Flags theme park. Titled Six Flags Over Elkmont, the park will provide beautiful vistas of the area from the high points of several large roller coasters and free fall…

Artist’s rendition of a dust bunny. After a year with almost no business, a large collection of dust bunnies has been discovered at the Knoxville Convention Center. One resourceful employee, Kelley Smith, saw opportunity where others only saw the need for a dustbsuter. “Rather than clean this stuff up, why not make this a destination…

Drastic cutbacks to the city budget have forced the KPD to utilize the downtown trolley system. This move will not only present monthly savings but will provide a much-needed short-term cash infusion by allowing for an auction of many pre-owned police vehicles. Although the new system will present a series of challenges, the new City…

Lenoir City Resident Forrest Lyttle is upset that he has never met Dolly Parton. The cross-country trucker claims that he talks to people everywhere he goes, and, no matter where he is, no matter how remote the location, someone has encountered the famous country music diva. “Hit’s like she don’t want to meet me,” says…

The 2nd annual “By the Rivers of Babylon, A Celebration of Cultures in a Time of Continued Turmoil” festival has been scheduled for June 19th 2004 at the Sacred Heart Complex in Knoxville, Tennessee. At least five hundred individuals attended the festival in 2003, introducing the Knoxville community to the wonderful treasures of Middle Eastern…

Knoxville Native Jack Valance found his way to the Sunsphere differently than most folks do. He recently purchased a Garman eMap Global Positioning System (GPS) unit and wanted to test it, so he had a friend go downtown and mark the Sunsphere as a “way point,” a sort of GPS bookmark. The friend brought the…

Wayne Butler stopped by Wendy’s on Cedar Bluff last Monday afternoon for some lunch. He was not very hungry, so only ordered a salad and small sweet tea. Paul Brown, the cashier, promptly told Butler they did not have a small sized soft drink, only medium, large, and “Biggie.” Witnesses say Butler stared at Brown…

In an effort to spawn better response by attendees to advertisers and to enhance concession sales for next season, the Ice Bears have adopted a new theme song. The Fast Food Rockers “Fast Food Song” will become the official song of the Ice Bears next fall. The song will be played at the beginning and…

Richard Simmons – noted exercise guru and perennial guest on The Late Show with David Letterman – has decided to call his day in the national spotlight to a close. He has further stated that Rhea County, Tennessee will be his new home in his golden years. When asked why he chose that particular venue,…

In an effort to make the Interstate Traffic System that transects our city a safer place to drive, KPD has seen great success with the Aggressive Driver Enforcement Campaign (ADEC). The Campaign itself was the brainchild of an officer, who asked that his name be withheld. “In the past we have targeted aggressive drivers in…

Just days after becoming a portion of America Online, StubHub.com has announced the details of a deal making them the sole distributors of tickets into Heaven. StubHub.com traditionally provides access to resell tickets for sold-out events as well as hard-to-find tickets to venues such as TV tapings, movie shoots, and film festivals. With the power…

In a Knoxpatch.com exclusive, a source close to the search for the new University of Tennessee president has revealed that a decision has already been made. “The public search is just a front,” the anonymous source reported. “The board has unanimously voted in private, and the new president will be Kenneth Starr.” When asked, Starr’s…

Joining the Atkins diet craze, the Disc Exchange has announced that it will unveil a new series of low-carb selections. This announcement will make Knoxville’s very own Disc Exchange the first dealer of compact discs and digital video discs to provide dietary guidance in regards to musical selection and video entertainment. Representatives of Disc Exchange…

Chad Hitchcock, a potato and onion specialist from the University of Tennessee at Knoxville, has announced that his dual specialties are causing undue stress and he must cut back to find his true focus. “My professors, family, and friends all warned me that the load would be too much…now they’re all gone, I’ve driven them…

David Keith has shaken up the Knoxville political landscape by endorsing “a Democrat” for President in 2005. The announcement was made at 2 AM at International House of Pancakes on Kingston Pike without a press conference. Calls following up on the announcement have failed to provide a great deal of information on the subject. It…