Category: News

Phil Bredesen, the 48th governor of Tennessee, said Monday night he would order as many as 25 members of the Civil Air Patrol and a handful of Eagle Scouts to secure the Tennessee border with Northern states. “I know I speak for everyone that works beneath me when I say that we simply cannot allow…

Unable to contain their anger, the Committee for Mayor Mike Ragsdale has offered a reward for information leading to the arrest of those that recently fired shots at Knox County mayoral candidate Steve Hall. Those working to re-elect Mayor Ragsdale state that the sympathy Mr. Hall will receive will offset his fundraising failure and obvious…

The world’s most powerful source of neutrons and the nation’s largest civilian science project has been deemed a success after achieving a millisecond of neutron production at the Spallation Neutron source facility at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory. After years of production and billions of dollars invested, the scientific team seemed pleased to have proven…

Knoxville wildlife officials denied capturing a baby “Hydra,” amid fevered speculation over the existence of the mythical creature in the region’s polluted rivers. The Knoxville Journal has reported that a young hydra was caught by a group of men thought to be from the Wildlife and National Parks Department at Volunteer Landing near Holston Gasses…

Until recently, Tennessee has managed to avoid the current trendy viruses and diseases. The bird flu is still doing its thing overseas, and the current mumps epidemic appears confined to the Midwest. However, an entire herd of cattle in Maryville is starting to show signs of annoyed cow disease. According to the farmer, who wishes…

Easter fun turned ugly this weekend in Knoxville, when a bunny attacked Mayor Ragsdale during preparations for an Easter egg hunt at World’s Fair Park. Although officials do not believe that the Easter bunny himself was involved in the actual attack, he has been becoming increasingly vocal over the past few years regarding his distaste…

In the last couple of weeks, the Patch has gotten some great tips as to where to consider to get our grub on. Well, thanks to a faithful watchdog reader we were encouraged to check out Farragut KFC, specifically, the buffet. I am not a buffet person. I like the illusion that my food was…

In the last couple of weeks, the Patch has gotten some great tips as to where to consider to get our grub on. Well, thanks to a faithful watchdog reader we were encouraged to check out Farragut KFC, specifically, the buffet. I am not a buffet person. I like the illusion that my food was…

In an attempt to make it easier for illegal immigrants to become American citizens, Tennessee is revamping interstate systems to include immigration-only lanes. “It’s very likely that most immigrants want to become American citizens, but simply haven’t been able to navigate traffic.” said the Senate Republican Caucus Chairman. “And when the new immigration-only lanes open…

A West Knoxville woman allegedly forces her husband to watch the soap opera “Days of Our Lives” when all he wants to do is watch “The Fox Report.” Ben Johnson claims that not only did the cheesey plot lines cause him mental anguish, but he also has learned the character names. “This crap totally sucks…

A group trying to sponsor Cas Walker for Sheriff was dealt a blow this week when a court ruled that he is not a valid write-in candidate. A spokesperson for the group said that although they are disappointed, they are ready to get behind another candidate, such as the old lady from the Hammer’s commercials,…

The Knoxville News Sentinel reporter who was on assignment in the Dante community of North Knoxville was finally released by her captors late last night. She was captured after a dispute with native Dante residents over the proper pronunciation of “Dante.” Gillian Karl was an English, Philosophy, and Journalism major and argued that the name…

The World Health Organization has selected Knoxville-based Asen Marketing and Advertising to promote the positive attributes of the quickly spreading bird flu. According to representatives of Asen, “If the bird flue evolves to easily spread among humans, the general public is likely to focus on the bad aspects of the disease, while completely overlooking the…

UPDATE: Dad’s relay team completed the marathon in under five hours, and he did a great job speed-walking his six miles. He even found the energy to run across the finish line and pose for some photos. A special thanks to my friend Heather at UT Medical Center for being part of the team. Dad,…

The financially troubled Halls Memory Gardens has been granted a permit to open an apple orchard on its grounds. Wade and Beverly Reynolds, owners of the now-closed cemetery, say that the financial difficulties are so severe that a completely new business plan is necessary. According to Beverly, “We’ve been planting people for as many years…