Category: News

KNOXVILLE (KP) – Knox County officials have announced new initiatives to attract a portion of nation’s 78 million baby boomers soon to reach retirement age. Plans include housing developments patterned from the set of Golden Girls, a Diagnosis Murder television network, and the construction of 14 new Great American Steak and Buffet restaurants. Wal-Mart has…

TENNESSEE (KP) – Two North Knoxville children are in protective custody after authorities found 422 tribbles living in their home. Police said the children – an 8-year-old boy and a 4-year-old girl – were found completely buried in the fluffy little tribbles. The tribbles were living mainly inside the children’s room and the kitchen pantry….

TENNESSEE (KP) – An exotic landscaper who decorated her home with skulls and a severed hand has been arrested and charged with improper disposition of human remains, authorities said. Police responding to a report of a suicidal person at the home of the 17-year-old North Knoxville landscaper (name withheld) discovered a large, crudely severed human…

TENNESSEE (KP) – A train derailment in the Powell area has released 100s of Hobos at the intersection of Commerce and Emory Road. Crews are currently working with new bandanas and cigars to lure the Hobos back to an overturned caboose but it is expected to be several days until the Hobos are completely contained….

TENNESSEE (KP) – To best avoid the encroaching societal pressures and technological advancements, regional Amish are moving into the sewers. Knox County Government officials have gone on record supporting the move, stating that it will free up a great deal of land while helping to keep the sewers clean. Calls placed to the Amish to…

TENNESSEE (KP) – The Library of Congress decided today to exercise a little-known power to strike written or audible history from all historical record. In the first use of such power since supposedly destroying the newly discovered Book of GWB from the Bible in 1802, they have decreed unanimously to remove all music created between…

TENNESSEE (KP) – Oodles, owned by embattled entrepreneur Scott West, has failed a recent health inspection due to a massive Smurf infestation. According to Oodles Chef, Bruce Bogartz, it has been impossible to get the Smurfs out of the building. “They are simply drawn to the mushrooms that Scott was growing in the back room….

TENNESSEE (KP) – Saying it’s time to work urgently to bring stability to the region, Ambassador of Poland, Victor Ashe heads off Sunday in hopes of reaching a Mideast peace deal. Ashe will meet with just about anyone in Israel willing to spend time talking to him, and then go on to Rome on a…

A couple in Halls were shocked to see their stray daughter show up in a Hollywood blockbuster. Last summer, Noreen and Hubert Bean were watching the latest Tom Cruise thriller, War of the Worlds, when they spotted their stray daughter Lurlene, now known as Dakota Fanning, in a prominent role in the movie. Records show…

Just days after the arrest of entrepreneur Scott West, concerns have deepened about the future of Market Square. The increased tensions began with an interview for Knoxpatch, when business owners were asked if they felt that the problems developing for the West’s would have lasting impact on economic stability. Discussion of the undue pressures placed…

An antidepressant won federal approval Monday as the first drug to treat Volunteer Affective Disorder, the seasonal blues that can strike when Coach Fulmer takes the spotlight. To assist in diagnoses, a simple checklist has been created to allow individuals to decide if they need to schedule a visit to the doctor or request medication….

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of accompanying a group of friends to a Fountain City treasure – Harby’s Pizza and Deli. I’ve been wanting to review this place for a while now, but have not made my way there until prompted by a faithful reader concerned we are becoming Westknoxpatch.com. Thanks, James, for the…

Just hours after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie left Namibia with their newborn daughter and their two older children, they have announced that they will soon visit Knoxville and continue their humanitarian efforts. “While we celebrate the joy of the birth of our daughter, we recognize that right here in the United States, babies are…

Local interactive media company IPIX has entered the immigration debate with the launch of its new software, IMMIGREX. In response to states such as Texas that are installing webcams on their borders to allow internet users to monitor and report illegal crossings, IMMIGREX goes a step further. After installing the client software in their browsers,…

Over the weekend, the third Norris lake turtle mauling was reported in as many months. Derek Rivera was on the beach with his girlfriend Maria when the turtle struck. “I was getting it on with my woman, and suddenly this big turtle jumped out of the water and bit the crap out of my toe,”…