Category: News

“Why can’t the damn county employees keep track of their credit card purchases? I mean, how the hell hard is it?” -Mike “Staunch” Staunton, construction worker “I don’t like this Obama guy. And not for the reasons you think. I don’t like McCain either. I think they both suck. I want to vote for ‘Other’…

In other news, butter was just named Knoxville’s favorite food for the 33rd year in a row. Butter originally had competition from lard, but health conscious Knoxvillians promoted butter as a better alternative, and lard has since dropped to Number 14 on the list of favorites. The Top 5 also includes macaroni, pizza, salt, and…

Officials have reported that care at Hillcrest-West will now, officially, cost you an arm or a leg.

Last week, Howard Stern’s satellite radio show manipulated recordings from one of Dolly Parton’s audio books into racist and sexually graphic sound bites. Following this program, Parton released a statement that included “…I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make…

Record high fuel prices have many Knoxvillians on the run–either because they robbed a gas station or because they thought running would be a better alternative commute. For many others, it is a painful time, one where choosing between fuel and unlimited text messaging has become a way of life. Our Knoxpatch staff feels your…

Calling the current budget draft too ‘optimistic,’ and trying to avoid raising property taxes, Mayor Mike Ragsdale has recommended that the 160-acre Ijams Nature Center be opened for oil and gas drilling. According to a statement on Mayor Ragsdale’s MySpace page, “In order to balance the Knox County budget, provide a proper education to your…

Gary Foster, the developer of a proposed adult campground in Roane County, has withdrawn plans for the clothing-optional camp and admitted his true intentions. “Since traveling through beautiful Roane County six years ago on a business trip, I haven’t been able to get those Roane County residents out of my mind.” explains Foster. “This was…

Two of Knoxville’s highest profile tech company flops are set to team up to try to bail IdleAire out of the bankruptcy gutter. As soon as the court gives them the go-ahead, IdleAire is going to add IPIX cameras to their in-cab electric units so that truckers can take high quality virtual tour images of…

After receiving generally positive reactions to the smaller print size of the daily paper, the Knoxville News Sentinel has announced plans to bring this new format to knoxnews.com as well. Beginning June 1, the online edition of the paper will be best viewed on 15-inch monitors.

The Oak Ridge Institute for Science and Education (ORISE) announced today the development of a new social networking program for introverts. “One of the key purposes of ORISE is to educate the next generation of scientists,” explains the head of software development. “The key trait shared by this elite demographic of brainy people is that…

Hillcrest-West, located on Middlebrook Pike, has been ordered not to admit new patients after violations were reported including violations of resident protection, administration, records and reporting, and nursing services standards.” Administrators were quick to point out that they don’t really care, because most of the patients are old anyway, and they just don’t really want…

Fresh off controversy for investing in IdleAire in conjunction with passing federal funds to boost the company, Mayor Ragsdale may be under review for another business interest. Although Knoxpatch reporters have been off-duty for quite some time, and clearly rusty, our sources tell us that Ragsdale used County influence to strong-arm Food City to carry…

Governor Bredesen is expected to sign legislation this week that will drastically cut down on the number of people moving to Tennessee from out-of-state, especially those from California. This bill is hailed as a triumph for anti-inter-state-immigration lobbyists who have been pushing for tighter control of Tennessee borders. “This is truly a great day for…

Burning up the campaign trail, including three stops in as many weeks, Fred Thompson was just about to ramp up his campaign earlier today. Instead of making his way to the Rotund Room where he was scheduled to speak, he stopped to smell some roses that were left for a guest at the hotel front…