With a better-than-expected reception at the Iowa State Fair, Sarah Palin has announced plans to visit fairs across the United States as the summer winds down. Palin denied speculation that the state fair tour was a precursor to a Presidential campaign, “That’s ridiculous,” Palin said. “I just like it when all the farm animals lick…
Author: Brehd Patchley
Dooley moves remaining Vols pre-season practices to Xbox
According to a statement prepared by the University of Tennessee Athletics Department, “Dooley feels the team isn’t ready for too much exercise, and it’s really been hot outside. The video game should greatly improve the player’s hand-eye coordination, as well as help them learn simple plays. Also, have you seen the graphics on the new…
Oak Ridge to add Senior driving lanes
The City of Oak Ridge has announced plans for Senior driving lanes, in an attempt to move traffic more briskly through town. “The problem is that the senior drivers tend to drive 10-15 miles per hour under the set speed limit,” states an unnamed City official. “This prevents visitors from driving quickly enough to get…
Flea Fancy magazine ranks Knoxville most flea friendly city in Southeast
Flea Fancy magazine ranks Knoxville most flea friendly city in Southeast. According to a release, the magazine, cites the fact that Knoxville is so darn dog friendly. The city has a multitude of activities and organizations that are tailored to providing fleas with a buffet of choices. Specifically, the magazine cites the fact that Knoxville…
World’s Fair Park geysers rebranded as ‘World’s Largest Bidet’ to spur tourism
In order to boost tourism revenues, World’s Fair Park will be rebranding the popular geysers as the ‘World’s Largest Bidet.’ Although the attraction will still be open to the general public, the health department is urging that those that still wish to let children play in the water limit exposure to 15-minute increments.
City tackles growing rat problem with help from KARM
Rat infestation is a problem in every city, and has become increasingly apparent in Knoxville. As a way to combat the problem, the City of Knoxville has developed a new publication, ‘100 Ways to Eat a Rat,’ which is being dispersed solely at Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries. KARM will, in turn, provide .10 for each…
Walmart launches ‘Walk of Shame’ line of clothing
Inspired by the success of their Miley Cyrus line of clothing, Walmart is launching a new ‘Walk of Shame’ line. A spokesperson for Walmart states that “….the line is basically an extension of the Miley Cyrus line, as her fans have reached a nicely promiscuous age. Studies have shown that 80% of the clothing purchases…
Claxton resident claims ‘Squatter’s Rights’ to take Bull Run Fossil Plant from TVA
In an unexpected twist, a Claxton resident has claimed ‘Squatter’s Rights’ to take the Bull Run Fossil Plant from TVA. “When TVA made news recently with an attempt to buy 175 acres of land in Claxton, it got me to thinking,” explains Ima Jeane. “I’ve been living here in the coal for the past 12…
Union Avenue Books credited with shutdown of Borders
Since opening its doors on June 1, Union Avenue Books has made quite a ripple throughout the economic landscape of booksellers. “The general public is tired of a large selection, and ordering online is a thing of the past. Stores like Union Avenue Books in Downtown Knoxville have done us in,” says a spokesperson for the…
Demand for Cloud Services spike during heat wave
As a heatwave grips much of the US, requests for Cloud Services have spiked. According to Jan Johnson, one of Knoxville’s go-to tech gurus, “This is partially due to misinformation about what Cloud Services truly are, it’s one of those terms that is confusing to those with less technical savvy. However, if we can get…
Knoxville Lemonade Crimes Division arrests 12 in overnight sting
Twelve individuals were arrested for lemonade crimes by the Knoxville Lemonade Crimes Division during a sting operation conducted Friday night in North Knoxville. Knoxville Police conducted the sting on Virginia Avenue, Beaumont Avenue and Central Street between 8:30p.m. Friday and 2:00 a.m. Saturday. According to Knoxville Police Department spokesman Darrell DeBusk, “This puts us on…
Amidst scandal, Rupert Murdoch drops bid for Knoxpatch.com
News Corp’s Chairman and CEO, Rupert Murdoch, announced today by telegraph that he is dropping his bid to buy Knoxpatch.com. The letter outlined that although the Knoxpatch bid is being pulled, he is still moving forward on attempted buyouts of City View and Metro Pulse, as they are more in line with News Corp’s journalistic…
TN Rep. Julia Hurley balances budget, stuns onlookers
Just moments after learning of the difficulties in Washington, TN Rep. Julia Hurley solved the problem of balancing the budget. “That wasn’t so hard!” exclaimed Rep. Hurley, “What the hell has all the fuss been about?” Although she couldn’t do it a second time, an intern was able to duplicate the process for a photo.Â
Knoxville Habitat for Humanity discovers theft of homes
On the heels of announcing that more than $11,000 was embezzled by Linda Dianne Smith, Knoxville Habitat for Humanity made another disturbing discovery. Smith also, it appears, stole as many as 9 homes, which have been constructed in her backyard. Kelle Shultz, Knoxville Habitat president claims she has no idea how Smith had the homes…
‘Pong’ headed to the big screen in IMAX and 3D, starring Johnny Knoxville and Megan Fox
Several classic video games are getting movie treatments. As reported at Knoxville.com, ‘Space Invaders’ is one such film. Reports announced late today say that ‘Pong’ is being rushed into production, hoping to beat ‘Space Invaders’ to the screen. The film is to very closely follow the storyline of the game, but will be in 3D…