Coming off a disappointing third-quarter earnings report, Regal Entertainment Group enlisted the help of Morgan Stanley & Co. to review strategic options to increase revenue for the chain. What might have appeared to be a daunting task, turned out to be rather simple when viewed by an outside consulting group with no true knowledge of…
While local health systems plan a forum to answer the public’s questions about the Ebola virus, a Knoxville church is offering sanctuary to people most afraid of contracting the deadly virus. Ebola has yet to spread to East Tennessee — and may never get here — but Grace Baptist Church, 7171 Oak Ridge Highway, will…
The results are in, and the Best of Knoxville Newspaper Closing for 2014 is the Metro Pulse! And, this gives us a reason to blow the dust off the Commodore 64, fire up our digital printing press, and put Knoxpatch back into motion. Stay tuned…
Although they still maintain that they aren’t saying that they did or did not do anything wrong, sources close to Knoxpatch.com writers tell us that Jimmy Haslam is making an offer to those stating they were hurt by Pilot’s business practices. According to our sources, Pilot will buy back all fuel purchased by those impacted…
In response to the US Presidential elections, the remaining modern Maya people have issued a collective statement on behalf of their elders. “Told you so, pack up your shit, get in a bunker, and take your guns with you. It’s over.”
A simple reminder to all the press, bloggers, and opinionated people like myself. Nobody yet knows what is going to happen. If you haven’t voted, go do so.
The media has given a great deal of attention to the spike in gun sales during the 2012 election cycle, but according to local retailers, other items have spiked as well. Just as the Republicans have rushed to purchase guns in fear of Obama’s gun-control policies, Democrats have purchased 2 x 4’s and 4 x…
As pointed out by the Knoxville News Sentinel, Don Bosch, Judge Baumgartner’s attorney, made liberal use of other trial lawyer’s closing statements this past week. When questioned about the lack of original verbiage in the proceedings, Bosch simply stated that, “If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” How this applies to the case at hand,…
In Lenoir City, feral hamsters are a growing problem that residents say must be dealt with. “It started in the 80’s, when the popularity of hamsters spiked,” states Lenoir City animal control representatives. “People would vacation in California and bring hamsters back with them, releasing them into the sewers as they tired of the little…
On the heels of acquiring the Lucasfilm Ltd library, which includes Star Wars and Indiana Jones, Disney announced early this morning that they have also completed negotiations to gain control of Knoxville’s popular Live At Five At Four. “It’s a natural fit to our collection of traditional animated characters,” says Disney. “Although we’ve recently expanded…
A new study shows that low IQ is linked to conservative beliefs and prejudice. Those with the lowest IQs tend to make poor public decisions that are harmful to those around them. This activity is being called the ‘Campfield Quotient’ and has a sliding scale that can be used to predict the likelihood of potentially harmful outbursts ranging…
Oak Ridge officials claim the closure of Sears in the Oak Ridge Mall is just the silver lining in a cloud they’ve been looking for. “Our long-term plan for the space has been to create the world’s largest climate controlled storage facility,” explains Mark Watson, Oak Ridge City Manager. “We have an aging population, and…
Former Judge, Richard Baumgartner, is planning to make the most of the pension he’s receiving from his time and good deeds on the bench. “I’m not ready to retire, I want to continue to be an active part of this community,” stated Baumgartner. “Therefore, I’m reinvesting my pension funds to open a new pain clinic…
In a unique court case, Fate has filed suit against Stephen A. Burroughs. Claiming that Mr. Burroughs has utilized more than his allotted 15 minutes of fame, Fate demands that he spend the remainder of his life in obscurity. Mr. Burroughs would not comment on the case, but did offer to pose for pictures.
Lee Greenwood has joined the list of celebrities jumping into politics by announcing his endorsement of Herman Cain. A spokesperson for the Cain campaign stated that, “Like other Americans, we’re excited to find out that Lee Greenwood is still alive.”