Author: Bjorn Knoxley

In the last couple of weeks, the Patch has gotten some great tips as to where to consider to get our grub on. Well, thanks to a faithful watchdog reader we were encouraged to check out Farragut KFC, specifically, the buffet. I am not a buffet person. I like the illusion that my food was…

In the last couple of weeks, the Patch has gotten some great tips as to where to consider to get our grub on. Well, thanks to a faithful watchdog reader we were encouraged to check out Farragut KFC, specifically, the buffet. I am not a buffet person. I like the illusion that my food was…

In an attempt to make it easier for illegal immigrants to become American citizens, Tennessee is revamping interstate systems to include immigration-only lanes. “It’s very likely that most immigrants want to become American citizens, but simply haven’t been able to navigate traffic.” said the Senate Republican Caucus Chairman. “And when the new immigration-only lanes open…

A West Knoxville woman allegedly forces her husband to watch the soap opera “Days of Our Lives” when all he wants to do is watch “The Fox Report.” Ben Johnson claims that not only did the cheesey plot lines cause him mental anguish, but he also has learned the character names. “This crap totally sucks…

A group trying to sponsor Cas Walker for Sheriff was dealt a blow this week when a court ruled that he is not a valid write-in candidate. A spokesperson for the group said that although they are disappointed, they are ready to get behind another candidate, such as the old lady from the Hammer’s commercials,…

The Knoxville News Sentinel reporter who was on assignment in the Dante community of North Knoxville was finally released by her captors late last night. She was captured after a dispute with native Dante residents over the proper pronunciation of “Dante.” Gillian Karl was an English, Philosophy, and Journalism major and argued that the name…

The World Health Organization has selected Knoxville-based Asen Marketing and Advertising to promote the positive attributes of the quickly spreading bird flu. According to representatives of Asen, “If the bird flue evolves to easily spread among humans, the general public is likely to focus on the bad aspects of the disease, while completely overlooking the…

UPDATE: Dad’s relay team completed the marathon in under five hours, and he did a great job speed-walking his six miles. He even found the energy to run across the finish line and pose for some photos. A special thanks to my friend Heather at UT Medical Center for being part of the team. Dad,…

The financially troubled Halls Memory Gardens has been granted a permit to open an apple orchard on its grounds. Wade and Beverly Reynolds, owners of the now-closed cemetery, say that the financial difficulties are so severe that a completely new business plan is necessary. According to Beverly, “We’ve been planting people for as many years…

As Stabucks gears up to offer breakfast items, Krispy Kreme is developing a dinner menu in hopes to entice more evening customers. The menu, not for the health conscious, is tailored to win over customers that would request a ‘biggie’ or ‘value’ sized fast-food dinner. The bare-bones menu, being test-marketed here in Knoxville for only…

After three fatal shootings in as many days, matters have worsened at some Denny’s restaurants. Initial reports indicate that aside from the shootings, some people are actually being forced to go inside the restaurant and eat. Details are a bit too graphic for print, but it has been verified that at least one unnamed victim…

Officials say that they have ruled out suicide for the lady whose body was found in the water at Volunteer Landing Marina earlier this week. The KPD has released information that the body, wrapped in plastic and duct tape and weighted with a cinderblock, did NOT have a suicide note with it…leaving homicide as the…

Donna Rowland, a Republican lawmaker from Murfreesboro, recently proposed putting the Christian fish symbol on Tennessee license plates. Soon after, it was brought to her attention that it is not considered proper for the state to sanction religion. Rather than back down on her request for a Christian symbol, she has proposed that the upside…

A new report indicates that violent video games have caused more than you might have expected. In addition to bratty and obnoxious children and teens, violence in video games has led to: The war in Iraq. Iran’s nuclear aspirations. Hillary Clinton’s facial expressions. George Clooney. Apparently the Bush administration, Iran’s mullahs, and Saddam met regularly…

Researchers working in Karns stumbled across a rare group of humans that walk on their hands. The researchers were studying fruit bat migratory patterns in and around the Karns area and discovered the hand-walkers accidentally late one night. They were tossing socks loaded with rocks up in the air around street lights trying to catch…