Author: Bjorn Knoxley

TENNESSEE (KP) – Oodles, owned by embattled entrepreneur Scott West, has failed a recent health inspection due to a massive Smurf infestation. According to Oodles Chef, Bruce Bogartz, it has been impossible to get the Smurfs out of the building. “They are simply drawn to the mushrooms that Scott was growing in the back room….

TENNESSEE (KP) – Saying it’s time to work urgently to bring stability to the region, Ambassador of Poland, Victor Ashe heads off Sunday in hopes of reaching a Mideast peace deal. Ashe will meet with just about anyone in Israel willing to spend time talking to him, and then go on to Rome on a…

A couple in Halls were shocked to see their stray daughter show up in a Hollywood blockbuster. Last summer, Noreen and Hubert Bean were watching the latest Tom Cruise thriller, War of the Worlds, when they spotted their stray daughter Lurlene, now known as Dakota Fanning, in a prominent role in the movie. Records show…

Just days after the arrest of entrepreneur Scott West, concerns have deepened about the future of Market Square. The increased tensions began with an interview for Knoxpatch, when business owners were asked if they felt that the problems developing for the West’s would have lasting impact on economic stability. Discussion of the undue pressures placed…

An antidepressant won federal approval Monday as the first drug to treat Volunteer Affective Disorder, the seasonal blues that can strike when Coach Fulmer takes the spotlight. To assist in diagnoses, a simple checklist has been created to allow individuals to decide if they need to schedule a visit to the doctor or request medication….

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of accompanying a group of friends to a Fountain City treasure – Harby’s Pizza and Deli. I’ve been wanting to review this place for a while now, but have not made my way there until prompted by a faithful reader concerned we are becoming Westknoxpatch.com. Thanks, James, for the…

Just hours after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie left Namibia with their newborn daughter and their two older children, they have announced that they will soon visit Knoxville and continue their humanitarian efforts. “While we celebrate the joy of the birth of our daughter, we recognize that right here in the United States, babies are…

Local interactive media company IPIX has entered the immigration debate with the launch of its new software, IMMIGREX. In response to states such as Texas that are installing webcams on their borders to allow internet users to monitor and report illegal crossings, IMMIGREX goes a step further. After installing the client software in their browsers,…

Over the weekend, the third Norris lake turtle mauling was reported in as many months. Derek Rivera was on the beach with his girlfriend Maria when the turtle struck. “I was getting it on with my woman, and suddenly this big turtle jumped out of the water and bit the crap out of my toe,”…

Phil Bredesen, the 48th governor of Tennessee, said Monday night he would order as many as 25 members of the Civil Air Patrol and a handful of Eagle Scouts to secure the Tennessee border with Northern states. “I know I speak for everyone that works beneath me when I say that we simply cannot allow…

Unable to contain their anger, the Committee for Mayor Mike Ragsdale has offered a reward for information leading to the arrest of those that recently fired shots at Knox County mayoral candidate Steve Hall. Those working to re-elect Mayor Ragsdale state that the sympathy Mr. Hall will receive will offset his fundraising failure and obvious…

The world’s most powerful source of neutrons and the nation’s largest civilian science project has been deemed a success after achieving a millisecond of neutron production at the Spallation Neutron source facility at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory. After years of production and billions of dollars invested, the scientific team seemed pleased to have proven…

Knoxville wildlife officials denied capturing a baby “Hydra,” amid fevered speculation over the existence of the mythical creature in the region’s polluted rivers. The Knoxville Journal has reported that a young hydra was caught by a group of men thought to be from the Wildlife and National Parks Department at Volunteer Landing near Holston Gasses…

Until recently, Tennessee has managed to avoid the current trendy viruses and diseases. The bird flu is still doing its thing overseas, and the current mumps epidemic appears confined to the Midwest. However, an entire herd of cattle in Maryville is starting to show signs of annoyed cow disease. According to the farmer, who wishes…

Easter fun turned ugly this weekend in Knoxville, when a bunny attacked Mayor Ragsdale during preparations for an Easter egg hunt at World’s Fair Park. Although officials do not believe that the Easter bunny himself was involved in the actual attack, he has been becoming increasingly vocal over the past few years regarding his distaste…