Author: Bjorn Knoxley

Most guys dream of one day owning a multi-car garage. Many hope to have a 3-car garage with workshop out back, complete with heat and air conditioning and air compressor system with air tools powerful enough to loosen even the tightest crank pulley nuts. If they had room and money, they would even add a…

Knoxville farmer and amateur research entomologist Hubert Peters has determined that the tse-tse fly is on the rise in East Tennessee. His report, appearing in Knoxville Amateur Entomologist Farmers Journal states that he has observed at least 6 tse-tse flies in his fields over the last three years. Peters admitted in an interview that he…

Late last month, Sara Brown was rummaging around in her attic when she stumbled across an old box of letters and other documents. While reading through the items, she found what appeared to be a handwritten copy of the lyrics to The Ballad of Davy Crockett, the Disney song with lyrics written by Tom Blackburn….

Bertha and Herman Silverstein were on their way from West Palm Beach, Florida to Toms River, New Jersey to visit relatives when they pulled off in Knoxville out of frustration. “We just can’t deal with all these…curves! It makes us claustrophobic. The last straw was a curve combined with a hill. It was too much…

Sources close to the East Tennessee Film Commission assure Knoxpatch.com that a new low budget spaghetti western will be filmed in Knoxville’s Old City. The movie is being made by director John Woo and will star Jackie Chan, Matthew Lillard, and Pierce Brosnan. It will premiere at next year’s Valleyfest just after the animation segment….

Four participants in the recent Expo 10,000 have been lost since May 25th due to a comedy of errors perpetrated by the Knoxville Track Club including poor planning, poor training, and a simple lack of interest. 2002 marked the 25th anniversary of the Expo 10,000. The excitement of planning for the 25th annual event was…

LAMAR Outdoor Advertising, acting on a whim of a local employee, has been presented an Orchid Award from Keep Knoxville Beautiful. This award is given yearly to organizations expressing sensitivity to surroundings and high standards of maintenance. LAMAR representative, Bob Jenkins, was watching an old cartoon when the idea occurred to him. Bob points out…

A road in West Knox County is under construction. This highly unusual activity took most of the residents and commuters by surprise late last week. Witnesses described the scene as moderately stressful. One witness, who remained anonymous, stated, “They even had a lane closed. It was terrible, the other drivers were trying to cut through…

Knox County resident Bud Jennings filed a complaint with the Sherriff’s department Wednesday after his car was impounded. According to the report, Mr. Scruggs was driving down Cedar Lane when Officer Alan Davis pulled him over at the El Chico mexican restaurant and had his car impounded. “You just can’t please these people,” stated Jennings…

Knoxville’s not-yet historic semi-landmark the Sunsphere is scheduled to be demolished later this summer to make way for some Victorian houses. These houses were displaced when Fort Kid was expanded to make room for a new system of monkey bars. A Fort Kid representative told reporters that the monkey bars are made of a unique…

I recently visited my favorite Knoxville Theatre. Regal’s location within West Town Mall. Since I am a major movie buff, I sit in this theatre at least once out of every two weeks. I’ve often noticed the handicapped seating and never thought anything of it. I’ve never actually seen anyone using the space. It’s one…

There has been some discussion among community members about what to do with derelict properties around town. This includes vacated strip malls, home improvement warehouses, schools, and Mrs. Winners. A recent study has shown that an ideal usage for these properties is to rent them, short termed, to book warehouses. Book warehouses offer thousands of…

In response to mounting negative community reaction to the Rationalists of East Tennessee, the organization released a statement yesterday. The purpose of the statement was to clarify their positions on, literally, everything: “As rationalists, it is our duty to inform the world how our superior intellect has given us insight into answers to the questions…

In an effort to bring even more tourists to Knoxville, efforts are underway to bring the Moon Pie Hall of Fame to the downtown area. Several other cities are trying to lure the Hall, including Soddy Daisy, Birmingham, and Bakersfield, CA. However, The Southern League of Moon Pie Eaters (SLMPE), who is developing the Hall,…

Knoxville mayor Victor Ashe crossed Gay Street this morning on his way to get a cup of coffee and distracted a group of chickens crossing the other way. It was not immediately apparent why the chickens were crossing the street at that time. There has been a ban on farm animals in the downtown area…