Author: Bjorn Knoxley

Late Sunday, two teens were arrested on the I.C. King Park bike trail while fleeing officers. According to the report filed by Officer Billy Doyle, the youths had been electrofishing from a small boat just offshore. When confonted by the patrol boat, they oared straight to shore and ran for their truck, which failed to…

Knoxville planners designed the Knoxville Convention Center to draw outside dollars to East Tennessee and early indicators point to better than expected success. The National Ice Fishing Association (NIFA), has announced that the 2003 NIFA convention will be held in Knoxville, TN. The convention is scheduled for August of 2003. When asked why Knoxville was…

A Knoxville-native mouse, disclosed only as ‘Jerry’ by court-appointed lawyers, filed a lawsuit on July 26th alleging that the movie ‘Stuart Little II’ was harmful to his health. Hours after attending the movie that he reportedly looked forward to for weeks, even saving his allowance to take the entire family, ‘Jerry’ rushed out to play…

To boost the lagging popularity of the UT Athletic Department, NASCAR will be added to the lineup of sports offerings in 2004. UT Athletics states that football remains popular but a measurable decrease exists regarding student involvement with volleyball, lacrosse, ballroom dancing, and calf-roping. Renovations to Tom Black Track will begin in the summer of…

The City of Knoxville has unveiled plans for Mount Knoxville in an attempt to capitalize on the high number of tourists visiting Sevierville and maximize the impact of the new increased sales tax through souvenir sales. The plans call for a large sculpture (likened to Mount Rushmore) to be cut into Sharps Ridge, just miles…

The list of names in the running for Knoxville’s 2003 mayoral race continues to grow. Several impressive names have either joined or expressed interest to date, including Bill Haslam, Bud Gilbert, Mike Ragsdale, and Tom Varlan. In a surprise twist a national celebrity has entered the race. Spaceghost made public his intention to enter the…

Knoxville artist Hank Jessup plans to unveil his latest creation on Market Square next weekend. He was reluctant to speak to reporters about it, but after $45 worth of drinks at Macleod’s, he spoke freely to Knoxpatch.com for about three hours. “Honestly, it was inspired by something, but I can’t remember at the moment,” slurred…

Naturalist Bev Scarboro has been studying Knoxville’s riverfront aquatic life for the past 30 years. According to her studies, carp numbers peaked during the 1982 World’s Fair, when children from around the world bought carp food and sprinkled it to hungry carp waiting below the TVA exhibit. Carp food machines were conveniently located around the…

A group of anonymous K2K list members got together at Wendy’s by Walker Springs for a support meeting Wednesday evening at 6:30. The organizer, Mr. Björn Knöxley, was unable to tell exactly how many people showed up. “I saw a potted plant move, and I’m pretty sure that was Brehd Patchley. There were several people…

Knoxville’s performing arts organizations are joining forces for one giant performance in 2003 rather than producing individual seasons. This cost-cutting measure is required due to declining ticket sales and decreased grant support from Knox County and the City of Knoxville. Enormous savings will be incurred by avoiding costly individual performances. June 21st, 2003 will mark…

Recent years have shown dramatic declines in voter turnout throughout the United States. In an impressive show of civic-duty Yumm Foods, parent company of Taco Bell, has announced the introduction of new ‘City-Cups’ that will be test marketed in Knoxville, Tennessee. Each ‘City-Cup’ will feature biographical information regarding local political candidates. In the months leading…

If you’ve made it to this point you definitely have some opinion about KnoxPatch. We want to talk to you about it. Were you born here? Did you escape from Ohio like 14.6567% of our current residents? If you would be willing to share your thoughts and ideas please let us know via the handy-dandy…

Promise Keepers, one of the more noble movements since the Spanish Inquisition, have forced the resignation of Knoxville native, Cornelius Short. Mr. Short had been a member since July 3rd, 2001 and on review since December 2001. Promise Keepers is dedicated to igniting and uniting men to be passionate followers of Jesus Christ through the…

Lake City native and Knoxville resident Charles Shire stunned colleagues this week by volunteering for an additional work assignment. On June 26th, sometime late in the evening in a completely unprecedented occurrence Charles was overheard saying “If anyone has any extra work I could help them with I would be happy to pitch in.” Although…

The University of Tennessee, facing slightly more than 50 million dollars in budget cuts for the 2003 fiscal year has bridged the funding gap with a groundbreaking move that could change the face of higher education in the United States. Two members of the University of Tennessee football team (the Volunteers) came forward on June…