Author: Bjorn Knoxley

According to scientists at Knoxville’s Center for Viral Anomalies, the West Nile Virus may have mutated into what has become known as the East Nile Virus. The virus, said to be more mischievous than its western counterpart, is spreading at a much slower rate, and has only been linked to the death of one chickadee…

The Knoxville Police Department filed a report late last night detailing an incident involving a man and a handsaw on Market Street. Timothy J. Muskrat was apprehended while fleeing the scene by officers Joe Jameson and Fred Nederlander. The report stated that Muskrat was attempting to cut down six sawtooth oaks on the south end…

Recent discussion about whether the name “Volunteers” was appropriate for a Tennessee team has resulted in a contest to change the name. The term “Volunteers” comes from the role Tennesseans played in a war in Texas that had nothing to do with us. Since it relates to Texas directly, and not really Tennessee, a strong…

Knoxville’s annual Ferrets in the City celebration will kick off next week with a wide girth of activities planned. The festival will last the entire week, and promoters hope there will be something for everyone. As part of the celebration, regional artists and taxidermists have contributed ferret likenesses which will be on display in and…

As part of downtown redevelopment planning, an area is to be set aside as a religious district. To ensure that the district will not be filled up by traditional religious groups, officials are rumored to be offering incentives for various religious cults to rent or buy space in the district. A leaked document urged officials…

The Clarence Brown Theatre at the University of Tennessee campus is once again bringing potential greatness to Knoxville audiences. ‘Art’ runs from August 30th through September 14th. Ticket information is available through the Clarence Brown Theatre Box office at 974-5161. A preview article follows. ‘A R T’ By Yasmina Reza Translated by Christopher Hampton ABOUT…

Knoxpatch.com has learned that the old convention center property, under the Holiday Inn, has been sold to foreign investors. The tentative plans of these investors is to create a so-called “capsule hotel.” These hotels, popular in Japan, allow many more people to sleep in the same space as their Western counterparts. The investors expect to…

According to sources, the initial planning stages for Ferrets in the City 2003 has begun. A kickoff meeting was held at Panera Bread, a trendy, hip establishment on Peters Road, to signify the trendy, hip nature of next year’s event. Attendees discussed plans over chocolate croissants and mochafrappuccino. Details are sketchy at this early stage,…

I’ve had many pets over the years, but only actually went in search of a pet once. I usually end up with animals in my home because they walk up to me in the woods or in parking lots, looking bedraggled and really appreciative of a small bite of food. The one time I did…

Undercover KPD Officer, Ben Nubbin, has admitted today that he found a great deal of pleasure harassing the short-lived Last Chance Adult Theatre in Downtown Knoxville. “At the time we were harassing the new business I wasn’t sure as to how I felt about it.” states Officer Nubbin. “It was simply our job to make…

Public television seems to constantly be in the midst of an on-air fundraising campaign. It has recently come to the attention of programmers that the current method of using healthy pitch-men is outdated and doesn’t reach the entire audience of potential donors. Taking a cue from the South African PBS units utilizing an HIV-infected female…

Yves Johnson was driving his golf cart on Saturday when it veered off the path and careened into the Smith-Coughlin house on Lyons View Pike. A spokesperson from Cherokee Country Club told reporters that the investigation is ongoing, but it appears that the golf cart penetrated the house and then began what could only be…

The new convention center in downtown Knoxville was designed from start to finish to be a reflection of the artistry, culture, and heritage of the area. From the tile mosaic of the Smokies to the trout-themed escalator area, every aspect of the convention center was painstakingly planned. Bill Landry, of the Heartland Series, was consulted…

The International Olympic Committee (IOC) is rumored to have held a secret meeting early this week to discuss moving the 2006 Winter Olympics from Torino, Italy to Knoxville. When the vote was originally cast (June 19, 1999) for Torino, the new Knoxville convention center had not yet been completed. Now, due to its completion and…

Our sources indicate that Chris Whittle is in second-round negotiations to purchase Knoxville’s most famous landmark, the Sunshpere. Chris, founder and chairman of Whittle Communications (sold to K-III Communications in 1994) and founder of Edison Schools (1992) apparently intends to bring one of the successful Edison Schools to Downtown Knoxville. ‘Although the Sunsphere is not…