The Greater Knoxville brewery census has again certified a final count of “between 24 and 38, inclusive.” Two breweries have opened since the census ended.
Last known White Stores cart pulled from Third Creek
The last known White Stores shopping cart, recovered from Third Creek after roughly forty years, is headed to a museum. “I knew by the handle. You don’t forget the handle.”
City can afford one firework, Boomsday study finds
A $180,000 feasibility study on reviving Boomsday concludes the city can afford one firework — an eight-inch chrysanthemum, $340 through state contract. “Nobody specified the quantity. It’s the same sky.”
Hawk founds Little Venezuela on East Knoxville brownfield
Two weeks after losing the county mayor’s race, Beau Hawk has broken ground on Little Venezuela, raising a flag he describes as legally distinct from any national banner. “I’m older, and the optics are on purpose.”
Tennessee Valley Fair unveils AgriCentre East, currently a pasture
The fair is “thrilled to explore the next chapter of the fair experience” at AgriCentre East, a branded destination campus that is currently 120 acres of cattle pasture on Rutledge Pike.
TDOT commends drag racers’ traffic control plan
Five men charged with drag racing on I-140 executed what TDOT is calling “the smoothest lane closure Pellissippi has seen in a decade” — at midnight, with three sedans and zero barrels.
Unbuilt Kerbela tunnel nominated as historic landmark
The contested pedestrian tunnel at the Kerbela site becomes Knox County’s first landmark designated before construction. The draft plaque reads, in full, “ON THIS SITE, A TUNNEL.”
Knox County proposes shunning Flock CEO at Rotary
After Sullivan County proposed hanging Flock Safety’s CEO, Knox County advances a measured alternative: shunning him at Rotary, per the county’s new five-tier Vendor Displeasure Matrix.
Maryville man settles First Amendment debate by disabling comments
A 900-word First Amendment analysis posted to Maryville Speaks Out! with commenting disabled has been declared constitutionally unanswerable. “Hamilton never faced this,” legal scholars concede.
New dog park dedicated to dogs who died waiting
Knox County officials cut the ribbon on the last dog park approved by the 2020 community vote, dedicating it to the dogs who didn’t make it. A bronze plaque beside the gate reads “They Waited Patiently.”
Biden Jingle Bell ‘Cough’ Track to be Released
After realizing the incredible popularity of his coughing COVID-19/Omicron speech, President Biden announced he will soon release a Christmas track. “The dogs barking that beloved Christma…oh yeah, we can’t say Christmas…that holiday song ‘Jingle…something,’ and you know, the cats that do the same thing but with meows, I want to do that too,” he announced…
Family Confused By Lack of COVID-19 Symptoms
The Watsons were excited. They were attending their first concert since the COVID-19 lockdowns expired. Around two weeks before the date of the show, the venue changed their rules to require either vaccination cards or a negative COVID test to attend. With four kids, attending any sort of public event is already stressful. The Watsons…
Wearing Masks and Other Ways To Stop Being Selfish
If you are tired of feeling selfish about your reaction to the virus, or anything else for that matter, we can confirm that wearing a mask is the best way to stop feeling or being selfish. If you cover your face with an uncomfortable piece of cloth, not only will you not be protected whatsoever…
Trump set to #shiplap the Lincoln Bedroom
While the media and congress are distracted by the impeachment trial, Trump is taking the opportunity to further stamp his style on the White House. In what some are calling a “daring move,” Trump is set to redecorate the Lincoln Bedroom in the “Farm House” style while nobody is paying attention. The key to this…
Trump recorded singing the praises of lamb fries
In newly released recordings, Donald Trump was overheard lauding his guilty pleasure, lamb fries. In the 1994 recording, Trump was overheard discussing his obsession with Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam. Knoxpatch.com has acquired exclusive transcripts of the conversation: Haslam: “So, Donald. What do you think about these Petro’s?” Trump: “Well, they’re pretty good. I do like…















