After her recent trip to Israel, Madonna has decided that Kabbalah and Judaism are just not for her. “I’ve tried being a Catholic, a Jew, a Hindu, Taoist, Maoist, and Buddhist. Nothing makes me feel complete, even with all this money,” she explained. “Now that I am dating Jesus, it only makes sense for me to become a Southern Baptist.” She is scheduled for Baptism next Sunday.

In the midst of the uproar over Obama’s alleged “indoctrination” speech next week aimed at school children, conservative parents have been mulling over ideas for an alternative activity for their children to participate in. Ideas being tossed around include showing Sarah Palin’s speech from the Republican National Convention and having the children read and discuss items from Michelle Malkin’s blog. Additionally, many parents across the nation are pushing for an Ayn Rand book reading. “Sure, she was an atheist,” explained one anonymous parent, “but she espoused conservative ideals. At least I think…I haven’t actually read her books…” Most rural counties are simply going to move target practice up an hour.

After a healthcare activist bit off the finger of a counter-demonstrator, it didn’t take Obama’s advisors long to realize they were onto something big.

“Clearly, those that would be in favor of the healthcare reform as currently outlined would have a unique perspective and thought process. In order to best reach these people, we need someone that speaks their language,” says one of Obama’s top advisors. “As we’ve seen, they are likely the type to bite one another and fight. And who better to speak both of these languages than Mike Tyson?”

Although Mike Tyson’s publicist would not confirm or deny any upcoming alliances with President Obama, it’s interesting to point out that he did not bite anyone when asked. To our reporters, that’s the same as admission.

Keeping with his school children theme, Obama is expected to sign an executive order changing some of the lines in the Pledge or Allegiance. This is designed to coincide with his video message to students and will be among the items handed out. Various celebrities will be recorded reciting the new pledge in an effort to encourage children to adopt the new lines. Parents will not be notified because they might complain.

Here are the new words:
I pledge allegiance to Obama
of the United Collective of America,
and to redeeming its face in the world for which it stands:
one Nation under Rahm, indivisible,
With Green Power, hybrids, and assimilation for all.

The spirit of late Senator Ted Kennedy is set to make a speech in front of a joint legislative meeting when congress returns from recess. The speech is rumored to include how it was his dying wish to see healthcare reform passed by the end of the year. No one is certain what happens next year if no healthcare reform is passed, but he is not going to address that in his speech since it detracts from his point. He is going to stress how important it is for everyone to invoke his name whenever possible to detract from the fact that nobody has actually even read any of the draft bills and nobody knows what is in any of them. “Reform is reform, and any change is good” he is expected to say. He is also expected to threaten to haunt so-called “blue dog Democrats” if they do not agree to vote for reform, going so far as to include threats that he will get drunk and drive them off a bridge, because “I can get away with it.”

Bjorn is still scouting around looking for a good Greek restaurant. Oddly, there was a good place at the West Town Mall food court but it closed and is now K-Town Kabobs. The food there is okay, but still not satisfying. There was another Greek restaurant in Turkey Creek alongside an Italian restaurant, but it too has shut down. King Tut’s has a great Greek salad, but they do not have Greek food. Kalamata Cafe has a Greek name, but no longer really serves Greek food. Suggestions?

Since the destruction of the historic Smith/Coughlin House in December of 2004, things have been pretty quiet around the Cherokee Country Club. Mostly. Sketchy reports have been coming in, increasing in frequency as we approach the 5th anniversary of the historical obliteration, that ectoplasmic activities have been intensifying in the area surrounding the country club. The reports indicate that a mysterious Mediterranean-style mansion in a severe state of disrepair has been spotted drifting across the golf course late at night, and sometimes early afternoon around two. Several members have been seen, pale white with fear, running to their luxury cars, usually parked where the old house used to be, and tearing out of the parking lot. No club members would go on record and when employees were questioned, they would zip up their jackets and scuttle away without looking back. No photographic evidence has been produced, however there is usually plenty of parking in the new lot.

A (long) while back, Brehd reviewed King Tut’s.  For some reason I never made it to that place.  Since his review, Daisy Mae and I have ventured to Cairo and Greece and developed a taste for odd cultural experiences.  So last night we were in the mood for Greek food.  According to the Urban Spoon “shaker” application on my iPhone, King Tut’s falls under the “Greek” category, presumably because they serve the largest, most feta-cheesed Greek salad either of us has ever seen.

As we’ve recently been looking at property off Martin Mill Pike, the stars seemed aligned for us to try it out.  A quick call found they were indeed open on Sundays for dinner, but not until five.  We loaded up Skittle into his fancy car seat and headed off to explore the unknown.

King Tut’s is a scary place in a scary location and you have to park in the scary back parking lot with scary people walking around (who as it turned out, worked there).  Don’t let that deter you.

As Brehd and other reviewers said, Mo (Mohammed) wants you to order what he wants you to order. And that is usually the Greek salad and the Egyptian Sampler.  We walked in, sat down, and were given menus. As Mo walked away, he said “I suggest you order one Greek salad and one Egyptian Sampler and split it.”  We looked carefully at the menu for a few minutes, then gave in.  What the heck?

A few minutes later our frosty beverages arrived in giant glass vases.  Needless to say, we never needed a refill.  Not long after that, our mountain of Greek salad arrived, covered in a snowfall of feta cheese and some other substance that looked like ground olives, but I’m sure it wasn’t.  Actually, you will find we really had no idea what we ate beyond the salad.  The salad was excellent.  We each had two giant servings and there was still enough leftover to fill a carry-out box.  The salad needed more olives, but it was still very good.

Right as we finished up our salad, Mo delivered an assortment of dishes, including some red stuff, some brown stuff, some tan and red stuff, some more brown stuff, a cakey-bready thing with sesame seeds, some pita pieces, some beans (we think), and some chopped-up spicy vegetables (tomato, onion, etc.) like a salsa.

Every bit of it was excellent.  Very good flavors.  There was no meat, which I was disappointed about at first, but got over quickly.  We were fighting over who got to finish off what, happily dipping our pita in hummus and whatever else looked dippable.

So after all that, we were quite full, but for the whole experience, you must order dessert.  So we got Jack Daniels Pie (walnuts and chocolate plus ice cream) and tiramisu (because they were out of baklava). All I can say is YUM!  Worth the extra pound I probably gained, for sure.

So all said, with Skittle’s really, really good grilled cheese sandwich, the Egyptian Platter, Greek Salad, two drinks, and two desserts, our bill was $33 and we were stuffed.

The downside is that we were the only people there, the entire time.  I hope it was just because it was a Sunday afternoon.  But we will definitely go back.  We didn’t have quite the festival experience we’ve heard about, but it was still great food.  Mo told us that he was trying to find space to open a coffeehouse so he can serve just desserts.  Sign us up!

There isn’t much that can be added to this one, everyone is already talking about it. So, similar to jumping on the pile after 6 other players have tackled the quarterback. Here’s a link to Riehl World View, showing a great rundown of how pitiful Suzanne Dupes is.

I’d try to write something witty, but some people just make themselves look stupid and save me all the work.

Following the announcement regarding changes to the athletics tickets program, UT has announced a major change in the academic process and how graduations will be processed.

Under the new system, students and family members will need to give money to a new fund overseen by the athletic department in order to receive a diploma.

UT says it has adopted this policy “to facilitate quicker and more streamlined academic schedules, and to eliminate any confusion that non-donors are important to the future of Tennessee or the college…” Under the new program, students are allowed to graduate once the combined total of donations from family members is equal to the value of an amount of silver that is exactly 18 times the weight of the student.

Gifts may be made to academics, but only those designated to the athletics department will be counted towards graduation.